Hello again friends! Summer is here and so this blog is going to be back in full swing. So, let’s get started. We need to talk about breakups. Specifically, the way that others around us react when we go through them.
I know it’s not a particularly fun topic to talk about. Going through a breakup is hard work, as I’m sure most of you will know. And we’re all familiar with those run of the mill comments that start circulating when the news of your split gets out. In fact, we’ve probably used them ourselves.
“You might get back together yet!”
“You’ll find someone else!”
“Plenty more fish in the sea!”
“You’ll find the one someday!”
I know they’re just trying to offer some comfort, but why do all these assurances revolve around having a significant other in our lives? Why are people so determined to convince us that the only way we can be happy is by being with somebody else?
Here’s the thing: you just might get back together. If not, you will most likely find somebody else at some point. There are plenty of other people who will fall in love with you. But here’s the other thing: you are okay by yourself.
When you’re used to being around somebody all the time, sharing a bed with them, cracking inside jokes, and talking 24/7, it can be really weird trying to adjust to single life again. But trust me, you’re okay on your own. Splitting from somebody gives you an opportunity to refocus your life on yourself, to grow into your own person without worrying about somebody else, and to redefine yourself. You can make all of your decisions based on what you want, and just do what makes you happy. Sometimes relationships can make us feel like we’re stuck in one place, and being by yourself gives you the independence to move away from the people who stunt your growth. Once you’re single, you can’t depend on a significant other for your emotional support – you have to pull your socks up by yourself, and even though it’s hard, I promise that it’s a good thing. You have full control of yourself for a while. You might feel kind of strange on your own at first, but I promise that spending time by yourself will teach you so much about yourself, make you self assured, and set you up better for future relationships – romantic or otherwise.
Being single isn’t scary. It isn’t the end of the world. Yeah, things hurt for a while, but then it stops hurting and you grow and develop on your own. It doesn’t matter if it’s been one year or thirty, you don’t have to depend on another person for your happiness, and sometimes it takes a breakup to teach you who you are and what you need, not just from other people, but from life.
I’m not saying that relationships are bad. Of course, healthy, loving relationships are wonderful, but being single is a different kind of wonderful that gives you the chance to push yourself for your own benefit, and find out who you are as a consequence. These are the positive things that you can take into new relationships to make them thrive.
So maybe next time your best friend, brother, or that drunk girl in the toilets in Popworld pours their heart out to you about their freshly wounded heart, you can build them up as an individual, focus on their new potential for growth, and reassure them that being alone isn’t a hindrance but a strength.